Objectum Sexuality Is Weird As Hell

On this week’s Gritcast, Dirty Dietz and I dive deep into what has to be the strangest video I’ve ever seen in my life. You absolutely have to see it for yourself to believe, I couldn’t make this shit up if i wanted to.

https://www.facebook.com/plugins/video.php?href=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2FRealStoriesChannel%2Fvideos%2F2074284002805373%2F&show_text=0&width=476

Meet Amy, a church organist, who has Objectum Sexuality, a condition that makes sufferers attracted to inanimate objects. Amy is in love with a carnival ride called “1001 Nacht” which the video calls a roller coaster but its more like one of those swinging pirate ships or submarines if you ask me.

Right off the bat this thing is bananas, apparently she not only wants to bone 1001 Nacht but she views it as her mate. She lovingly talks to it and claims it talks back via telepathy. I love how giddy she gets when she first catches a glimpse of “him”, her heart starts pounding out of her chest and all of the sudden she’s feeling frisky.

Next, she climbs under the thing and starts rubbing the grease all over her face and aggressively sniffs the rusty metal. Questions are racing through my mind: Who runs this amusement park? Do they just let her in whenever she wants? Does she do this when the park is actually open for business? What happens if she rides the ride?

1001 Nacht Smells Good
Picture Courtesy Real Stories on Facebook

Something I only noticed after watching the video half a dozen times was they say “Amy’s main lover is a humble fairground ride”… what else does she love?? Does she love her pillow or her scummy bath mat like the magician kid from the Netflix show “Big Mouth“?

Does she cheat on 1001 Nacht with other fairground rides? Is she taking a spin on the Ferris Wheel or humping the ponies on the Merry-Go-Round? I want to believe that she is faithful. After all, this is a story about love, and I think all of us could use a happy ending.

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