Turkey Bowl: All 22

Teleprompter Dick Courtesy SB Nation

To be a true football fan, everyone knows you need to break down game tape. You need to eat tape for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You need to use the Inception machine to get tape implanted into your dreams. You need to get tape worms so that the tape lives inside of you. Okay, that might be taking things a bit too far, but for all of the football fans out there I thought I would give you an exclusive look into the 2017 Turkey Bowl and break down one of our plays. These pictures aren’t the greatest, but they are the only photographic evidence that the game even took place so deal with it. If you aren’t familiar with the roster, now would be a good chance to take a look.


1. This first picture was taken just after the snap. The teams are whites vs colored (very problematic IMO). Cricketty Craig is playing All-Time QB at this point because James played so hard he literally broke his cleats in half, luckily he then became our photographer. Dirtz Dietz (#30) snapped the ball and looks like he’s going to lock up with Brandon “The Green Bastard from Parts Unknown” to give Craig some protection. Brian (wearing grey and black) is lined up in the slot being covered by Joe (wearing white with the green hat), and Jesse is on the outside being covered by me (in the sick Donte Whitner jersey).


2. Brian runs a slant route and Joe follows, you can’t see them anymore because they’re off the screen and nobody cares because this play isn’t about them. Jesse appears to be doing some type of interpretative dance, or possibly speed skating, but it doesn’t matter because he’s blanketed tighter than Linus in the Peanuts. I’d understand if you don’t notice what Dirty Dietz is doing here, but that’s exactly the point. He lures you to sleep with his lazy break off the line and makes you think he isn’t a threat. Brandon gets caught flat footed and Dietz has a clear inside track to the end zone.


3. Touchdown! Craig unloads to Dietz who was wide open, leaving Brandon flailing in the wind like one of those inflatable guys on a used car lot. Classic move by the Double D, taking advantage of a snoozing opponent, they don’t call him Dirty Dietz for nothing.



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