Today Is The 54th Anniversary Of The Granddaddy Of All Conspiracy Theories

JFK By White House Press Office (WHPO)

On November 22, 1963 President John F. Kennedy was shot while riding in his open air convertible that was cruising through downtown Dallas, shocking the nation and sparking over a half century of conspiracy theories.

As you all know, we here at Gritness Sports are BIG conspiracy guys, so it seemed appropriate that we acknowledge this sad anniversary. There are stories all over the news today, like there are every year, talking about that fateful day and since Thanksgiving Eve is one of the biggest day for just completely mailing it in at work, I fell down the rabbit hole. I highly recommend checking out this CNN article about all of JFK’s various illnesses and ailments- that guy had some terrible luck. I’m not going to discuss the conspiracy theories about Lee Harvey Oswald, the CIA, etc, in this post (saving that for another time) but check out this quick rundown of what Kennedy dealt with throughout his life:

  • Scarlet Fever at the age of 2
  • Colitis causing abdominal, joint pain, and weight loss in his teens. Check out this excerpt from a letter he wrote his buddy:

    “Yesterday I went through the most harassing experience of my life … an iron tube 12 inches long and 1 inch in diameter up my ass. … My poor bedraggled rectum is looking at me very reproachfully these days.”

  • Chronic Back pain from a football injury while playing at Harvard
  • Botched Spinal Surgery at age 27
  • Diagnosed with Addison’s Disease at age 30 which causes fatigue, muscle weakness, and weightloss
  • Spinal Fusion with a metal plate leading to a urinary tract infection at age 37
  • Another back surgery that led to a staph infection that left an “open, gaping, very sickly looking hole”

All of this back pain led JFK to rely on powerful paid medication to make it through the day. He started with procaine, a version of lidocaine that blocks nerve signals to the brain, and eventually upgraded to “amphetamine-based concoctions” provided by Dr. Max Jacobson who was also known as Dr. Feelgood. First off, Dr. Feelgood is an incredible nickname. I would love to be known as Dr. Feelgood, that has great connotations in the sack. Second, JFK was taking amphetamines while president! I can’t imagine the scandal that would follow if it was discovered that our boy Donnie was hitting that blue sky crystal from Walter White.

I mentioned that I wouldn’t talk about the conspiracy theories in this post, but I’d be remiss if I didn’t take this opportunity to post one of the funniest scenes in television history. Enjoy, and Happy Thanksgiving!

 

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