Dirty Dietz Detests: Pay It Forward

Welcome to yet another glimpse into my very cynical mind.

I’ve had it with this “pay it forward” bullshit in the Tim Horton’s drive thru. In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, the whole “pay it forward” idea is to basically do something nice for someone, and they will do the same for someone else. Now, I’m not a complete monster; the idea, in theory, is good. My problem is everyone, for some reason, decides to do this in the fucking drive thru.

Here is my most recent experience:

It was a beautiful Sunday morning. I was up at the crack of dawn, ready to start drinking some beers and enjoy the matchup between the Buffalo Bills and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. I’m on my way to meet the boys, everything was going great. I was a bit peckish, so I thought I’d stop by a Tim Horton’s to grab some breakfast.

“Good Morning,” I said. “Can I get two bacon, egg, and cheese croissants, a hashbrown, and a large English Breakfast Tea, please?”

“This will be a fine meal.” I thought to myself.

“That will $10” Said Tim Horton.

I pull up to the window, credit card in hand, ready to pay for my meal, when Tim Horton drops the bomb on me.

They smiled at me and said, “The people in front of you paid for you.”

“Mother fucker” I softly mumble just loud enough to wipe that smile off that workers face.

A million questions crossed my mind in this brief moment. Why did they buy my food? Did they think I couldn’t afford my order? Do I pay this forward to the person behind me? What did they order? Did they just do it because I’m devilishly good looking?

I finally decide to play order roulette with the car behind me. I paid it forward, praying that there wasn’t a family of eight or a fat fuck, like myself, in the car behind me.

I hand my card to the worker and tell them: “I guess just pay for the next person.” Of course, they hand the card back to me, and decide to not tell me the price I just paid. Perhaps it is for the best.

I drove off as the sun rose around me, thinking about how my morning was ruined by these terrible people buying me breakfast.

Moral of the story: I’m an asshole. Don’t force me to do nice things for people I don’t know in a fucking drive thru line. If I want to buy them food/coffee, I will.

I hate whoever came up with the “Pay it Forward” concept. I’m just going to blame it on Kevin Spacey and Forest Gump Jr.

P.S. That movie sucked.

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