People That Should Be Fired Into The Sun: Fast Talkers

At my day job, a cube farm (just picture the movie “Office Space” but with blue walls instead of gray) there’s a woman that sits one row over from me who has to be the most annoying person on the planet. The thing is, its not what she talks about or anything about her personality, the problem is how fast she talks. It’s ludicrous, imagine if Tech N9ne was a middle age white woman, or if the guy from the Jimmy John’s commercials was a real person.

My day starts out fine, because I show up at 8:00am, but when she rolls in at 8:30 my tranquility is rudely interrupted. She immediately launches into stories about whatever happened to her on her drive to work, or the trouble her kid got into at school, or any other random shit, and no matter what she’s talking about it sounds like she’s listing off the potential side effects of a knock-off boner pill. And the worst part is that she’s not even talking to me, she’s just rambling to her teammates and I have to listen to her noise pollution over my cube wall.

Imagine sitting next to this guy.

On the bright side, at least he gets things done. She’s more like this:

I’m going to put my headphones back in now, happy hour can’t come fast enough. TGIF

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